Done

Done. Done. Done.
I just completed finals week and my father was in the hospital for the week with blood clots in his lungs and legs for the entire week.  I am not sure how I accomplished  what I did accomplish with the stress of everything going on in our family.  But I got a 99 in both of my classes, never turned in anything late and still helped my parents as much as I wanted to.
I know that I had help.  Help from a husband who loves me and would bring me diner at the computer while I was doing homework.  He would empty the dishwasher or do the laundry.  All things I have done for years.  All while he balances his job and responsibilities as bishop of the YSA ward.  When I would say why are you helping me so much?  He would just tell me that I did it for him.
I am blessed to have him supporting me.
I had help from a loving Heavenly Father that is giving me that confidence that I have lacked my entire life to be able to say that I am a student.  This is huge for me.
And so for now, for the next two weeks, I am done with school.  I completed my first semester and not only that but I have been able to support my parents as my dad has been diagnosed with cancer and has been receiving treatment.
Until January 3 when I start again....

What If...

When I was a teenager we had these plays in our youth groups called road shows and one year the theme was What If.  One group did---What if there was no velcro.  I don't know, what if there was no velcro, kids could actually know how to tie their shoes, maybe.
My what if tonight is in the form of a calculator.  On my grading page....what if I keep pulling the grades I have been getting do I have to take the final and if so how many points do I need to get to get an A?  These are real problems in life.  The world could get along without velcro, I don't think I could get along without the what if calculator!

rhythm

So everyone has told me from before I started school on-line that there would be a rhythm.  I hated them for saying that.  I could not find a rhythm.  All I found was stress and hours and hours at the computer.  Actually hours at the computer, some at the laptop and then lots of reading.  I was cursing people for talking about rhythm.  I wanted to tell them that this white girl has no rhythm.  For real.  Last spring I took my daughter to a concert for her 23rd birthday and I was standing up dancing (like everyone else) and my daughter, as nice as she could, told me to sit down.  I had no rhythm.  
Well I think at week 10 of a 12 week semester I have found my rhythm.  I know how to get things done and how it all works.  
Rhythm is good and I just hope I don't lose it during the semester break. 

Chemo eve

Well, yes I go to college, on line, but this morning it is lucky that I am still going.  You see, today my father is starting chemo and radiation for esophagus cancer.  Chemo every week and radiation every day. (which ends about when the semester ends)  He will need to be driven to appointments and I get to drive him to about 60-70% of his appointments.  I say get to because I think it is a privilege.  But yesterday, the eve of it all, it was too much.  I lost it.  I was crying, sitting at my desk doing homework.  I called my husband, crying.  I texed my friend who is high up there somewhere in the ladder of BYU-I on-line and said that I was going to quit school.  His response was, "that's dumb".  He came over and was basically my cheerleader and told me how dumb it was for an A student to quit.  Showed me there was a calculator that could figure out my grade if I didn't turn in assignments called a "what-if" calculator.  (who knew?!)
And then there is my sweet husband who told me the things I needed to hear.  Who hugged me and listened to me and who continues to support me.
So yesterday on the eve of my dad's chemo and radiation start date, I didn't make dinner, I didn't clean the house, I didn't get very much homework done but I didn't quit college either!

Two points are worth it in basket ball...

So, I guess you could say I am in the thick of things and I seem to be having to fight for two points here and two points there, more than I would like.  You didn't turn this in, it's right here.  You didn't quote a prophet, isn't the Quorm of the twelve considered prophets?  It all seems nit picky and like I am 17...again.
I am not sure I have it in me to fight for two points so much.  Sigh....

fear and hatred collide

So funny story, or not.  I have had this fear and dislike all rolled into one spot---the Discussion Board!  One of my fears (let's face it I have a ton, this is just one of them) is writing. I haven't done it for a very long time.  Like over 25 years.  I have told kids at my work that a paragraph should have a beginning middle and an end but have I actually done it myself?  NO!  So on our Discussion Board for our Book of Mormon class we have to state a doctrine or a principle from the scriptures and then expound on it.  So Monday I was pounding out homework.  Like really pounding it out.  Four a solid 5 and 1/2 hours.  The last thing I did was post to the Discussion Board.  I wasn't sure if I had the style right because all the people in my class keep leading with a scripture and the instructor clearly states to reword it in your own words.  Even in an announcement he sent out this week he restated that.  I was hesitant.  I wanted to follow the classmates.  But I posted like the teacher asked.  The next day when I got back on one of my classmates responded to me and said, "your a good writer.  I like your style."  HA!  Now that was pretty darn funny.  Let's see what my teacher Brother Roberts thinks of it. 

bane

So the grades are coming in and I am not doing so well.  I thought I have been very very careful and reading everything so so so carefully but I missed replying to a discussion post.  Knocked down my grade.  On another discussion board the teacher replied to post that I needed to add a personal experience.  Can I just say that discussion boards are the bane of my exsistance right now?  If I wanted to sit in a class and give my opinions and experiences I would go to a class.  I don't want to share that much information.
It literally takes me hours to do discussion boards.  To me that is not a class that is social media.  Sigh.

The Gathering

Tonight was the first Gathering.  It sounds like something out of a si-fi book.  Like some other world is going to come in and take over and it kinda did.  The world of a classroom.  There I was, uh late by like 1 minute.  That is another story. Okay I was telling a friend that she is doing the right thing when her kid was losing it for 3 hours.  Anyway. I walked in late the first night.  Great first impression.  I sit in the back.  Of course.  They are singing a song.  I hate to sing.  And then someone tells me I have to get a name tag.  Duh, I'm Genie.  No one else is Genie.  You ever met anyone else named Genie?  I hate wearing one.  But I get it and put it on and I smile.
Then Bro Ricks tells us to take 2 minutes to write down a 1 minute introduction of ourselves.  I just kinda sit there.  I don't need any time to write anything down.  I don't even need time to think about it.  It just comes out of my mouth.  I am a girl who can talk.  That is bad.  I need a filter.  My turn comes I take my minute.  It is good.
This class is a cross section of society.  It has the typical people that ask a lot of questions that were in the homework.  A few smart computer guys (yahoo!)  Some quiet people and some talkers in the back.  Just guess which one I am?
So they say they are going to pass around a sign up sheet for people to sign up to be the lead student.  We all have to take our turn starting next week.  I think, "man, I want next week so I can get it done."  Then I think, "that is just plain stupid."  I am in the back.  Towards the end of the sign up.  When I get it there are three spots left and like the heavens open up on it the spot right at the top is open and before I know it my hand is writing my name...right there...on the line for next week.  And it is in pen!
So besides feeling like I am going off to collaborate on some si-fi book next week I will be facilitating the lesson.  I will be the lead student.  

The first deadline

It's almost the first deadline.  Wednesday at 11:59.  Or in San Diego time 10:59.  We just got back from taking a YSA home.  They were here doing laundry at our house.  Good thing I THINK I have everything turned in that is due.  I am not sure when I have been more nervous.  Maybe when I was a freshman in high school?  I am pretty sure when I wake up tomorrow morning there will be this really big red writing saying that I failed to turn something in and now I have an F in both of my classes NEVER to be able to make up the points.  My dashboard is going to say all those things to me.  Right?  It isn't in my head?  
What I really should be doing is going to bed and sleeping well because I have checked everything 5 million times (okay that may be an over exaggeration of about 2 million). But instead I think I will worry about the step two of the assignment I just saw that is due on Saturday at 11:59.  What if I don't get that done on time.  It says it will take 15 minutes.  I am pretty sure I will worry about that one for a solid 3 days.
And then there is the first Gathering tomorrow night.  Ahh, all my thoughts about that....
I just don't know if I will ever sleep again.  

I missed one

Yesterday was my first day back to college.  Well, I was sitting in my office at home talking to my computer and telling my computer that I didn't understand instead of classmates but that is pretty much how it went down.  I am taking on-line classes through BYUI.
After a loooong hiatus from school I figured it was time for me to go back.  My husband has his masters. My daughter has graduated from BYUH, my son is going to Sacramento State and my daughter-in-law is finishing her degree on-line through Humboldt.  I better get on this, I thought.  So Pathway was my choice.  They ease my ancient 47 year old mind into thinking like a student again and it is Gospel centered.  How can this go wrong?
Until I was looking at the dashboard.  And the assignments.  And the discussion boards.  Do you know they want you to post on a discussion board and then go back and comment on three other people's post?  Can't we just say this is Facebook and call it good?  Why do we have to complicate it with a formal discussion board?  Oh my.  I feel like I am learning a new language, drinking from a fire hose or any of those other mind blowing sayings.  I feel like I am just maybe too old to do this.  What was I thinking?  I took a quiz and I missed one.  One!  That is terrible!  
All of these "new" things were weighing on me so I asked a friend over who teaches on-line for BYUI to come and look and make sure I was doing everything right.
He kindly obliged.  As I was going on and on about dashboards and discussion boards and missing one question on a quiz I realized he had on his smile he learned most likely from being a bishop.  You know the one---I have a crazy person in my office and I will let them vent and go off and they will feel better but in the end they are just fine.
And so at the end of the day yesterday I got a lot of school work done, updated my missionary's blog, went grocery shopping, I had dinner on the table at five (and it was healthy), went to FHE and read part of a novel. 
I just may be able to do this school thing....